SCREW

I wanted to shout this out loud for a few days already,
"FUCK my working life! screw it! it's sucks, and I don't deserve to have it this way!"
No place to shout this out,
and this is the only place I can be myself.
FUCK IT!

就这样

只想记得开心快乐的事，
伤心难过的事情，
我不想重复的提起，
也不想永远记得。
所以，
就这样。

Farewell

It all started before I went on holiday,
and I am now too tired to tell.
I spent my energy fully everyday just to deal with it,
I feel so sick about it that I wanna quit.

I just can't stand it anymore!

再别记忆

之前帮三妹复习经济，
发现把经济都还给老师了，
赶紧把高三的经济课本找出来“还原”记忆。
课本里塞了很多张纸，
其中有几张是我和PK以前的“聊天室”，
里头聊的都是以前为情所困的烦恼。
我边看边笑，
而且是真心的笑得很大声的那种。
啊！
原来我也有忘记那一切的一天，
就这样我花了6年来不知不觉的忘记了那一切。

很开心原来7富贵们陪我度过了不只6年的时光，
也很开心原来我并没有放不下，
很开心的发现原来我已经没有不开心。

就这样他悄悄的走进了我的生命，
又悄悄的带走所有关于他的一切离开了。

Balance

Eat Pray Love.
A story that tells exactly what I am feeling now,
and reveals most of my thoughts.
I am probably not at the age of "praying",
and not at the stage of "loving",
I am more into "eating",
in the sense that I'd like to travel to another country for a short break.
It's true that I really don't know why and what am I working,
and I really am a little sick of it,
I need something new that have not appeared in my life yet.
I basically would like to live a different life.

A story is still a story,
regardless of whether I have the courage to do what I want,
it will eventually comes to the problem of money.
Money does matter in our life,
and can be quite influential.

All these basically come from a fundamental want in life - balancing,
and sometimes, losing balance is part of balancing in life...

Nightmare

I had a "nightmare",
my very "last" dream in the morning that woke me up.

I dreamt about having fight with the King,
throwing files on table,
banging the drawers,
throwing tantrum,
argue defiantly.
He then called for meeting and refused to let me join in,
because I quarreled with him and not showing him respect.

I am a little terrified by the dream that I didn't want to talk to him in the day,
just so my dream won't turn real.
It's really =.=

Lost and not found

Have been quite busy recently,
but when I look back,
I really cannot think of what have I been busying with.
I guess it's due to having been surrounded by negative energy for quite some time,
and I haven't really sit down by myself and think about the next step.
This negative energy is so powerful that it's significantly affecting my thoughts,
and the thoughts are very powerful in swinging my mood.
Disappointment, disagreement, discontentment... etc.
I find no interest in anything,
and I just want to be by myself,
but when I am alone,
I don't feel secure as how I used to feel when I am in my own world.

I have always been wanting a change,
but I just have not been taking the big step to move forward.
I still find opportunities in the status quo,
and I just can't convince myself to move on.
I know the status quo is not the "ultimate opportunity" that I want,
I really won't die for this and I can't imagine seeing myself "stucking" in this until the end,
I gotta change it now before it's too late.

And I just can't take the step forward and move away,
why?
Am really losing myself.

24

I am officially 24!

Stupid

My second business trip in my life - HCMC, Vietnam.

Not a very good experience,
not that the meetings didn't go well but my experience in this city.
Am upset,
upset with the stupidity.

I really don't think I ever would want to return to this city.

-ve

Have been surrounded by negative energy that I don't even want to blog about.

-ve
-ve
-ve
.
.
.

it's still negative...

贵人

常常为自己的疑问寻找答案，
以为答案必定会在某处，
努力的往那个方向寻找，
却发现答案好像并不在那里。
然后我们放弃了，
却又会在不久之后在另外一处找到了一直以来寻觅着的答案。
就是那么的奇妙，
以为找不到的答案偏偏在你不经意的时候再另外一方出现。
人生往往就需要这些出其不意来激起新的火花，
以为答案会在东，
结果却在几个月后在西找到了答案。

我们一定不可以放弃！
巧妙的命运的安排，
就诚如上帝关上了你的一扇窗，
必定也为你打开了另一扇大门！

Ah Ha

I was so frustrated that I thought it's my problem,
and today,
I found out that it has nothing to do with me at all!
Phew~~~
What a relieve!

I shouldn't have problem falling asleep already.

Sigh...

Frustration happen in life all the time,
and I am just not in the mood.

I will be alright...

林沁枟

活了24 年，
今天才知道原来林沁枟念为"lin2 qin4 yun4"。
以前不知道原来“枟”是存在的，
从来没有去想过找出“枟”的出处，
电脑的输入法根本打不出“枟”。
后来，
收到了陈太的请帖，
非常惊讶她竟然打出了“林沁枟”！
然后我用手机手写输入，
竟然也被我找出了“枟”！
很开心！
原来我并不是“奇怪的人”，
我的名字字典是有的！

Google了一下“枟”。。。
拼音："yun4"或"yun2"（只有少数的网站拼着"yun2"，大部分拼着"yun4"）
粤语发音："tan3"
基本解释：1）有所失；2）树木的纹理

大家好，
我叫林沁枟，
广东话念着"lam3 sam1 tan3"

相信自己

只要默默耕耘，
成功必会降临。
纵使有许多的疑问，
须紧记“人生不如意事十之八九”，
只要坚守岗位努力付出，
萌芽之期指日可待。

相信自己！

Goodbye

Have been seeing a lot cases of people come and go,
I initially feel bad about seeing departures,
but after awhile,
I understand that these cases just happen everyday,
and slowly,
I don't feel anything about seeing departures.

Seen a few departures today,
and I am becoming "emotionless",
I just don't feel anything about the farewell.
Anyway,
more to come,
I just can't be "bothered" to feel anything.

I am just becoming cold blooded.

超人不会飞

Was scared by a huge lizard in my room,
and my "superman" wasn't home,
I then called him and urged him home.
Mom and I were waiting outside my room,
no one seems to know how to get the lizard out of my bookshelf.
And finally my superman is back,
he spent just a few minutes and the lizard is gone.
Phew~~~

“超人不会飞”这首歌好像蛮适合派上用场，
如果我家超人会飞那我们就不必在家痴痴的等。
这世界上除了我爸还有第二个超人吗？

瑕疵

对于属于我自己的东西我持有着很高的标准，
可以说是到了种吹毛求疵的地步。
我极之不喜欢“它们”存有着任何缺陷或瑕疵，
并不是说在它们身上出现了什么“污垢”之后我便不再“爱”它们，
那是一种无法言喻的感觉，
一种“怪怪的”感觉。

刚刚从车厂拿车回家，
看到了后车厢里的衔接口，
再看到了老爸自作主张换的车灯，
心顿时揪了一下。
这一切本来就不应该出现在我车上，
那种感觉就好像这已不是我原来的车了，
而且我还有一种想换车的念头。
这种想法有点糟糕，
并不是说我已经不喜欢我的车了，
而是，
它根本不应该有着一些不是我的疏忽而造成的瑕疵。

看来我的“洁癖”比很多处女座还严重。
对于“物体”我暂且没有吹毛求疵的倾向，
但对于爱情，
我比任何人都来的“爱干净”，
只要有一小点污垢便足以让我变得绝情绝意。

就连清洁剂，遮瑕膏也帮不上我任何的忙。

奇异袋鼠

对于袋鼠国那一片土地的想念程度不曾锐减，
常常想起袋鼠国的一切，
也认为总有一天一定会回到那里生活。
我很喜欢海边，
蜗居在黄金海岸旁的一所公寓是我所向往的。
我根本不需要做任何的水上活动，
只要静静的看海和听着海浪声，
这一切就已经足够。

雪特！
又被电视里的旅游节目所俘虏了！
他们每次都到袋鼠国或奇异国体验working holiday，
雪特！
真他妈的雪特！

称赞

赞美的话往往百听不厌，
而且会让人沾沾自喜。
嗯。。。
被老板称赞的感觉真好！

Shopping Queen

Have been searching for months for a pair of shoe that meets the below criteria:
1) not too high heel
2) design that I like
3) easy & convenient to wear
4) good for working & casual
5) reasonable price

Not sure if I have too many criteria,
or shoes out there are just not meeting my "standards",
I haven't been able to find a pair of shoe that makes me feel like buying.
Cheap or expensive,
I just couldn't find one that I like.

And then I complaint to PK,
I told her I really need a pair of shoe for her wedding,
and we went into a shop,
and I found a shoe that I will buy!

I also found a jeans that fit me nicely for her wedding on the same day,
guess I just have to link everything that I want to buy to her wedding,
and I won't have problems searching for that particular item.

Whose wedding next?
I want valid reason to shop for things that I want and buy it immediately!

Sunday's dreams

Spent the whole day watching movies and have my menicure done on my nails,
although I was doing what I love most,
it's really tiring.
I think I am aging...
Or it's all because of watching Inception last?
dreaming is always tiring,
but understanding dreams is even tiring.

I just love day dreaming since young.

5W1H

I found myself lost along my way,
and I am panic,
because I just can't clearly see the path for moving forward.
I was very firm with my choices and I seldome doubted myself,
but now,
I just don't even know what I want.

I am lost...

Hands off

"a piece of shit that worth RM4.2 million",
I wrote this in my facebook status.
And Pei replied and asked if it's for a bungalow land,
well,
I should say,
well done Pei! you really are a qualified banker that stick to work all the time!
I won't call a bungalow land with this value a shit as the value of the land will grow each year.
This shit that I am talking about won't bring any good but flying colour for sales figure,
it is the total value of a 99.9% commisioning project.

The King didn't know to laugh or to cry when I tell him the "good news"

The King vs The Appraisal

Have been very busy with work after last week's appraisal with the King,
apparently he put his words into real action,
and I started "working".

I really don't know what I have been busy doing,
but I just dodn't go home on time ever since then,
why?

大王与英文

话说今天与大王完成了我的年中评估，
大王说呢，
希望我们团队里的“讲英文”风气可以提高一些，
从而帮助英文比较弱的队员们提升他们的英文会话能力。
我告诉大王说：“大家都比较习惯用中文沟通，而且用中文沟通能比较迅速的把要讨论的事情讲完。”
大王告诉了我他的想法，
我不太同意。
我了解他的出发点，
但并不表示我同意他的说法。
其实用英文沟通与否对我来说并不是太大的问题，
在公事上英文毕竟是我们的主要沟通的桥梁。
我了解所谓“中文人”在说英文时的痛苦，
毕竟我也是“过来人”。
对于大王的意见我并没有反对，
毕竟也不是什么坏事，
我只是想告诉大王用第二语言来沟通的难处，
更何况大王是大王。

大王说：“我常听到你讲英文，你的英文也不错，多跟同事们用英文沟通，帮助他们提升他们的语言能力吧。”
我有一点很大反应的对大王说：“不！我的英文一点都不好！”
而接下来就是一连串大王与我对于我的英文好不好的“争执”。。。

MD

Have been working on costing for a proposal for about 2 weeks,
and I have been in discussion with the MD (King's boss) as the King was away on holiday.
So,
now that the King is back at work,
the discussion involves the MD, the Honour, and myself.
We were talking about the "hours cost" (estimation of cost by hours of each personnel would spend for the project),
and the MD actually said to me that "oh Deidre, we are making profit on you!"
and we all laughed.
Well the "hours cost" is a 100% gain/profit (it just won't reimburse to my account, I am paid by my salary but not the hours cost).
Although it was just a joke,
I did feel/understand what the MD was trying to say,
he does have great sense of humour that actually makes people laugh.

I think I like the MD better than the King.
hmmm...

悠长假期

不知道一直以来的坚持是值得的吗？
真的厌倦了这些生活，
却又说不上来自己到底要些什么。
难怪最近眉头皱得蚊子可以夹死几只！
鼓励自己不要放弃，
却又说服不了自己坚持是对的。
我真的希望月尾放假过后一切都能回到轨道上，
但看来一个悠长假期也起不了什么作用。

紧

撒了个谎，
明天又准备多撒一次谎。
虽然感觉很坏，
但是心平静下来的许多，
至少当我决定撒谎之后，
眉头并不再紧皱了，
有一点松了一口气的感觉。

我只是有点太紧绷了。

Sayonara

忽然间有一股辞职走人的冲动，
反正就是信一丢然后一个月后就sayonara。
但是想到了现实的层面：
1）除非是找到了另一份工作，否则又怎能潇洒的炒老板鱿鱼？
2）虽说可以拍拍屁股就走人，但也得要顾全大局，免得跟老板搞得不欢而散，弄花自己的resume。

真的是对这份工作厌倦了才会有这样的想法，
要尽量让自己放轻松，
不让血压又要飙升了。
冷静。。。

Saturday

A cloudy morning,
went for facial and did something with my hair,
and the whole afternoon is gone.

Hmmm...
A relaxing and wonderful day~~~ :)

Smile

I have not been updating the blog as frequently as I used to be,
no other reasons but what I will post will definitely be related to the most pigging job in the world.
All the posts will be surrounding by all my curses,
and to all others,
these posts will just look like "copying and pasting" the same content over and over again.
Another reason,
I just don't want to remind myself with everything I feel discontented by repeating them in the blog.
We do have ups and downs in life,
and we will face some unhappy incidents in everyday life,
it's ok to feel shitty,
but if we keep repeating these shit in life,
we just not gonna feel happy.

I am gonna blog as frequently as I used to be,
with happy things in life!

Shit

Shit does happen all the time,
and sometimes,
shit is discouraging.
No matter how hard you try,
shit just discourage you to persist.

Today is just one of the shitest ever days...

共勉之

We curse the same thing over and over and over again every single day,
but yet we are still keeping our heads down working on the piggingest ever project.
We know we are just gonna benefit from it,
and it will leads us to a bright future,
we are just gonna excel one day!

与格雷思共勉之。。。

New

Boss assigned me a project other than the one that I have been cursing all the while,
not quite sure what the new project is like,
but at least I can have some other things to focus on,
and I can give myself excuse not to bother or to leave my current project alone.
Anyhow,
I really need to work on other projects to fit myself better into the office,
or I just won't be familiar with the process on how everything works here.
The new project might not be something big,
but I really want to work on some other things besides the current one,
I do see my future development here,
I just gotta keep working hard.

Interim appraisal is going to due soon,
and I am looking forward to see what my boss will write on the paper.
He has been saying good about me in front of others,
and I want to know when it comes to paper work,
how "good" am I to him.

I know I can definitely climb to a certain level in the company,
I know I can have a bright future here,
I just gotta keep working hard and cursing when necessary.
This is what we call "work".

一个人的行李

如果现在有很大的一笔钱让你去花，
你会把这笔钱花在哪里？
我想我应该会把钱花在旅行上。
世界那么大，
不踏足过根本不会了解窗口外的那一片天空是不是一样的蓝。
更何况对于我这些不甘于一成不变的人，
到别的地方走走总会带来一些所谓的新鲜感。

我并不是想要环游世界，
我只想要到一些我不曾到过的国度，
去寻找一下不一样的人生。

忆

无端端想起了在世界另一端的他。
每一次我都会不禁的问：“如果他还在，我们将会是什么样？”
7年了，
我从每一天都想他，
到今天的偶尔想起，
感触依然良多，
眼眶依然会泛红。

模糊的脸，
剩下唯一清晰的，
也只有那黑框眼镜，
和他说话的语气和模式。

我和你的習慣

截自“小娴部落”
《我和你的習慣》
發表日期: 2010-06-07 14:34:30 分類: 愛情
我聽過一位很成功的女士談到她那段沒有成功的婚姻，她說，她和前夫離婚並不是因為有第三者，也不是有什麼大問題，是真的沒什麼，只是生活習慣不同，前夫喜歡安安靜靜、慢條斯理坐著把飯吃完，急性子的她卻會拿著那碗飯從飯廳吃到廚房，又從廚房吃到飯廳。

比起那些血淋淋的破碎的婚姻，這樣的婚姻雖然還是破碎了，終歸可以淡然一笑。

聽到這個故事的時候，我在想我吃飯的習慣。我既不是安安靜靜地坐著乖乖吃飯，我也不至於一邊吃一邊走來走去，大概是兩者之間吧，要看心情，也要看我當時忙不忙。

我是個急性子，受不了慢吞吞的人。遇上慢吞吞的人，我還真是恨不得替他把飯吃完、把話說完。我愛上的人，雖不至於像我，可是，好像也沒有慢郎中。

急驚風遇著慢郎中，也有可能是一雙璧人。我認識一對夫妻，正好是這個組合，每次外出，不是先生等太太，而是太太等先生換衣服、吹頭髮、弄這弄那。要是換了我，早就當場氣死了，他們卻是對活寶。

在愛情和婚姻裡，生活習慣到底有多重要？

假如有足夠的愛，急驚風是不是也會愛死了他的慢郎中？要是愛得不夠，無論是急驚風跟急驚風，還是慢郎中跟慢郎中，始終也是要分道揚鑣的。

我們是不是可以接受一個跟我共同生活卻又跟我生活節奏和習慣不一樣的人？有一個人可以忍受我跟他不同的生活習慣，畢竟是幸福的；要是他不是忍受，而是因為愛我所以也願意跟我那些「恐怖」的生活習慣長相廝守，那樣是不是更幸福？

习惯毕竟是很可怕的，
我们习惯了所以我们不介意，
但是大部分的时候，
我们都是选择性的去不介意所谓的“习惯”。

Post Holiday Syndrome

Have been very busy with work after coming back from the short trip,
thought the trip is going to "re-charge" me,
but apparently it was not as relaxing as what I thought.
Working life is still the same,
the earth is still revolving,
nothing really changed after the trip,
and I still don't feel good about my job.

Life is still life.

袋鼠v.s男人

从袋鼠国留学回来的我们无不想念以前的日子。
我曾经说过：“Australia is great but I just don't belong there”，
但回来之后却常常想起在袋鼠国的欢乐时光。
那种感觉就好像你无法不离开一个很爱你的男人，
因为你根本不属于他，
而且你的心并不是系在他身上的。
你毅然离开了他，
过后却发现，
好像有那么一点点的想念与他在一起的时光。
铭说：“我正好相反！”
“就好像我被迫要离开我很爱的男人（袋鼠国），然后回来跟一个我不爱却又指腹为婚的男人（我们现在踩在脚下的这片土地）常相厮守。”
原来我们两个也历经了这么刻骨铭心的爱情啊！

我说：“我们贪恋的，充其量也只是袋鼠国所能给我们仅仅的自由。”
而铭的结论是：“果然是独中生。”
我愣了一下：“关独中生什么事？”
铭：“现在还有谁讲话像我们酱文绉绉的？”
=.=
铭的确很大煞风景（俗称potong stem），
且所有的诗情画意也被她一扫而空。
而我们仍然继续徘徊在我们爱与不爱的“男人”之中。

Payslip

HR was distributing our payslip,
my colleague who sits next to me then said "Deidre, I sit beside you for 5 months already!".
I was like "huh?! 5 months? so long? when did you join? when did I join?"
~~~after 5 seconds~~~
"Oh! I joined last December, 6 months already. ah! can you imagine I have been working on the same DAMN thing for the past 6 months?!" I said.
Gosh!
I seriously can't believe that I have been working here for 6 months already, and I am still working on the same bloody project,
and it does not seem that everything will come to an end, soon!

How can I not feeling sick with my job?

Sat in the city

“我真係接受唔到囉~~~”
Handelababy的口头禅，
也是我最近最喜欢的一句话。

我真係接受唔到点解我甘接受唔到囉~~~

自有留人处

2010年差不多过了一半，
天儿啊！
我到底有完成了什么了吗？
怎么好像年纪越长时间就过的越快？
难道我已经到了fast forward的年纪吗？

原来岁月不留人是酱来的。。。

Make a wish

Am cursing it again because things just go wrong again!
It will never happen smoothly,
NEVER!

I really hope,
no WISH (this hope will never come true, so I have to wish),
that this would come to an end very SOON,
like NOW or IMMEDIATELY!
My life has been it and I really don't want to take it anymore.

I am just not a person that will stick with the same old work scopes day after day,
boss,
it's time for me to talk about my 'future' in the company with you!

Big Fat Liar

Am getting good in lying ever since working,
not that I am cheating,
but sometimes,
we need to lie as the truth is not so favourable.
You don't tell the client something went wrong because someone make a stupid mistake from our end,
you tell the client there will be a slight delay in delivering because the work is far more complex than what you thought and you need more time.
We just can't tell the truth when it is critically influential to us,
and we just can't bear with 'drama' that follows the truth.

Ming,
yes,
work make us a big FAT liar!
(should we blame work for 'growing' our weight? XD)

老板

终于见识到我老板的‘厉害’。
虽然他‘日理万机’且很少仔细的读完所有的email，
但对于每一个project他只需要有人告诉他最新的update，
他便能够记得大部分的细节，
开会时再与他的经验‘融会贯通’，
一切就已经事半功倍了。

我的老板做得我的老板不是没有道理的！

mediator

I am the mediator,
everyone will come to me if they need anything from any parties.
Each of them has their own request and I have to make sure I fulfill everyone's wants and needs.
If A need something from B,
I gotta make sure B is efficiently executing the work within its capability.
If B complaint about A is requesting something that is not achievable,
I gotta make sure I come out with a solution that make both A and B happy.

I have been working on making everyone happy and ensure everything is up to running,
but where do I stand?
I am just the mediator that should ensure everything is up to running SMOOTHLY,
I don't have adequate power/rights to make things happen but I have to find a way.
When I am making everyone happy,
who's gonna care about me?
No one!

半路

在这趟旅程中，
我们难免会迷路，会彷徨。
有时候我们走着走着，
会很疑惑的问：“咦？！我到底在哪里？”
我们尝试的继续走下去，
希望柳暗花明又一村，
可是我们越走越心慌，
害怕终点到底会是什么？
有些人因太害怕而中途放弃了，
选择了另一条看似光明的康庄大道。
有些人害怕改变路途的种种不确定因素会为自己带来麻烦而索性继续沿途走下去，
就这样走着走着走到了终点。

我们的眼前有着很多条路，
到底哪一条才是最好的，
谁也说不上来。
我们并不能很肯定的认为这一条路一定会比那一条路好，
但至少我们很认真的选择过我们认为我们要走的路，
虽然有时候好像是迷了路，
虽然有时候很彷徨，
只要坚持的走下去，
我们一定会走到终点。
结果只在于我们到达了哪一个终点，
和什么时候到达终点。

我现在到底在哪里？

My Happy Ending

I used to cry each time when I hear Avril Lavigne's 'my happy ending',
it's just exactly like the lyrics,

'you were all the things I thought I knew, and I thought we could be. you were everything, everything that I wanted, we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. all of the memories so close to me just fade away, all this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending'

Well,
everything has really fade away,
and I really have found a 'happy ending' now,
I am happy that I no longer need your 'happy ending'!

think

It's time to do a little bit thinking.
Think about what I want to do next,
think about the 'future development' of what I plan to do next,
think about the future.

Think!

Face's problems

Skin care products are women's best friends that we all will definitely have at least a cleanser and a toner,
but when you look at my bed top now you will wonder how many "faces" I have on my face.
I have 2 boxes of mask with 10 pcs of mask in each box,
1 moisturizer,
2 eye creams,
1 pimple gel,
2 water locking moisturizers,
2 make up base with UV,
and 5-7 small bottles of travel pack that include all the above.

These products are just very enough for me for quite some times,
and it looks like I will have no chance to finish all of them.
Why?
We can get the same brand in different departmental stores,
and each time when each departmental store is having their own member's day sale,
all cosmetic brand will give out a few travel pack samples for free when you purchased a certain amount of their products.
So each time when you are about to finish your normal cleanser and toner,
you will find that one of the departmental stores will have the member's day sale again,
and with your "normal purchase" of skin care products,
you are entitled to get the free travel pack sample.
And so,
you will have no chance to finish all the products,
and you will end up like what I am having on my bed top now (or you will even have more bottles than me)!

Women's vocation or women are just having too many "faces"?

Boost

Boost Juice is opened and of course,
I went and "bought" my memory.

That was this mat salleh guy serving me at the counter,
and automatically I 'tuned' my tone back to Aussie.
"Did you try our juice before?" he asked,
"yes!" I answered,
we then started a short conversation.

Here comes the peak of the story...
"What's your name?" he asked,
for 5 seconds I was like "wah, all mat salleh so straight to the point one ah, a short conversation only and he is asking me my name",
but after 5 seconds I suddenly realised "ahh! they ask for my name so that they can call me to collect my drink when it's ready!".
hahahaha....
Luckily I didn't ask the mat salleh "why do you want to know my name?",
that will be very embarassing!
Fishy fishy!

Ahhh!!! those good old days in Aus...

乱码

我开始害怕/讨厌黑夜的降临。。。
尤其是临上床睡觉的那一刻最令我为难。
因为在我合上双眼的那一刻开始，
我就要为第二天张开双眼的那一刻做准备，
而我所做的准备往往都是不足够的，
因为每一天所发生的事情往往都是始料未及的，
而且每一件事都只有越来越pigging的倾向。
所以我开始害怕夜幕低垂的时刻，
因为我根本不知道如何/不想迎接早晨的到来。
而这一切的一切都归咎于。。。工作。

真的是$%&(@$$&*(！

No title

Feel like blogging but I don't know what to write,
it's just work, work, and work.
Since when my life become so pathetic?

Get A Life

I think beside "working",
I will have nothing to post about.
Since quite some times ago my life have been work, work, and work,
nothing else.
Although I really want to get a life,
it just didn't happen, yet.
Not that I am in love with work,
but I just have no energy to think about others other than work.
Alas,
there are so many things out there that are unrelated to work,
and I just can't seem to find them,
not even one.
Why?!

Da Pigging

My boss somehow urged me to take my leave,
he asked "do you have any plans for holidays?"
I said "yes, but I am going on holiday during long weekend, so I am not taking any leave."
"ah ok, but you have to clear your leave by year end anyway, so..."
Well I assume there are 2 reasons he urged me for taking leave...
1) he knows that I work very hard for the project and he "sincerely" thinks that I deserve a holiday (I didn't take any leave since CNY).
2) he just wants to plan ahead so that when I am on leave, he has somebody else to cover me.
I think 2) has the highest possibility of being a reason why my boss urged me for taking leave,
I am asked to apply leave a few months in advance!
Why is it so?
Because we can plan ahead so that someone is covering me when I am off!

The one and only reason is just because nobody else willing to spend their time in working for this project as it is a super duper da pigging project,
and I am the only one who is "willing" to take all the responsibility,
and so the one who "volunteered" herself got to do everything while everyone else rely on (leave it to) her,
and that's why the super duper da pigging situation occurs when I am on leave.
Just too pigging!

Significant

6th April marked a significant note in my life because...
1) first time ever I traveled for business
2) stepped into SG after more than 15 years (if it wasn't for the meeting, I don't think I will ever step into the land again)
3) first time I ever I do a day trip overseas (and it's really tiring!)

And this is what we call "work"!

How?

I am completely freaked out today.
I am totally lost on Tuesday's meeting,
and I have no clue at all about what I gonna do next.
My boss can even see that I am stress,
yes I am,
and I am very nervous.
Not that I never went to any client meeting but this time,
those people that I will be meeting are the regional representatives of the brands,
and they are totally influential on all their brands.
Along with me I have my boss (the associate director), and a global CEO of mystery shopping.
Can you imagine that these people are really "business" people that I can't connect myself with them?
They all are successful businessman that share mutual professional experiences that I don't have (for now),
and I just can't understand their world.
Yes I know it is a great opportunity to learn,
but maybe I am just not confident enough?
I am not good in socialising (I actually don't like socialising),
but this time I gotta do it,
and most importantly,
it will be in English!
How can I not stutter under this kind of circumstance?

Trying to get myself prepared so that I won't look dumb during the meeting,
and that's why I am totally freaked out now.
Nervous + anxious + confuse + lost = don't know how.

Australia

It is a place that I said "I don't belong here",
it's also a place that I said "I definitely would want to go back someday".
It's a place that I never thought of staying,
it's also a place that I thought I would spend the rest of my life there.
It's a place with a lot of memories,
it's also a place of freedom.
It's Australia!

Business

With just a call,
I am going to Singapore next Tuesday.
What's that for?
business.
Yes you see it correctly,
business!
Feel extremely awkward!
Since when I start travelling for business?
I can imagine when the officer at custom asks me "what's your purpose of visiting Singapore?",
and I actually answer "business."
I am sure he will definitely 0.O

Oh,
BUSINESS!
Why ain't I travelling with business class for a business trip?

MIA

Hi Deidre,

Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your perseverance in getting this launched. It has had challenges, but your hard work and dedication to the job is the reason we have overcome them. If I am ever in KL, drinks are on me.

Many thanks,
Josh

This is what I received from my colleague in the US,
it is an appraisal that warmed my heart.
If I am greedy (indeed I am),
I wish my boss would have sent some emails like this to me.

Well I didn't really feel good about this,
I cursed,
I get frustrated,
I lost my strength,
I feel down because of not being good enough.
And now I don't feel this bad anymore,
because I know I am working while there are some people who can't take the pressure of this project missing in action,
I know my effort will never let me down.

Things are not going smooth yet,
and I am still clearing all the shits,
hoping for the best.

Dejavu

Sometimes,
I really can't differentiate a dream and real life.
Too many times,
I dreamed about discussing the project with my boss,
and I wake up asking myself "was it a dream or did I actually talk about it with boss?"
these dreams were so real that made me hesitated and questioned myself "dream or real?"!
Gosh,
is this what we call "adults' life"?
Argghhhh......

L.O.V.E

What is it to me?
Do I WANT it or NEED it?
Is it the matter of conformity?
Is it because of everyone else has it and I should have it as well?
Am I a freak if I don't have it like everybody else does?

You know I am so "unique" that I don't like to conform nor doing the same as others.
If it is because of the above reasons,
I'd rather not having it!

Boom

I am a snow mountain and Ming is a sleeping volcano,
we are different in appearance,
but somehow deep inside,
we are the same.

Good luck and all the best to those who are trying to approach us!

孙悟空

最近对所有的人事物都失去了兴趣，
我的生活真的需要新的冲击！
这并不是去旅行散散心所可以解决的，
我所需要的是生活上的改变。

孙悟空可以借我72变吗？

尾巴

从前的我认为自己不快乐，
现在的我也认为自己不快乐，
然而现在的我却认为从前的我比现在的我快乐。
如果以后的我也不快乐，
是不是会认为从前的我和现在的我比以后的我更快乐呢？
人是不容易满足的，
所以我们常常为了快乐而不快乐。
我们常常憧憬“如果酱酱酱我一定会比较快乐！”，
但当酱酱酱真的实现了之后，
我们却会因为认为“如果酿酿酿我一定会比较快乐！”而忘了酱酱酱所带来的快乐，
所以我们一生中都在找寻着酱酱酱和酿酿酿的快乐中度过。

有一个故事，
小狗问狗妈妈快乐在那里，
狗妈妈答说在尾巴里，
结果小狗每一天追着自己的尾巴跑，
却也还是找不到快乐。
原来快乐一直都在我们身边，
只是我们用尽一生的力量和时间在寻乐上，
却不晓得原来我们一直在找寻着的快乐其实一直以来都在我们的身边。

雪特，
什么时候我生出了尾巴？！

WOW

I lost interest in everything,
nothing can really wow me up anymore,
not a single thing.

What's going on inside of me?

Isolation

I feel like going back to the Aussie land,
not only because I like it there,
but also because of its time zone.
It's one of the countries that starts the day at the earliest,
and it makes me feel like I'm "isolated" from the rest of the world.

I want a getaway and that's why I want to be isolated.
Aussie land when can I possibly land on you again?

呜呼哀哉

一种很复杂兼难以言喻的情绪，
有太多很杂乱的思绪想表达，
而我却不知从何说起。
感觉上我余生中，
只要我还在这个职位上，
我就会跟这个project脱离不了关系。
旧的还没解决，
新的又在计划中，
永远不会有句点。
除非我离开了，
不然我根本没有可能抽身。
老板当初把一切想的很简单，
事实上我们也没有必要把它想的很复杂，
然而一切就是那么的不听使唤，
而且就好像在鸡蛋里挑骨头，
永远就是有那么一点是错的。
往好的方面看，
我从这个project里学到的还真不少，
毕竟和我交涉的，
有90%是管理阶级的人物，
而我这个“小角色”在这个project里所扮演的角色，
也正好是这些管理阶层所做的。
我每一天鼓励自己，
但我也都还是很辛苦，勉强的去上班。
原先还以为是因为自己太久没放假了，
可是过了一个新年假期回来，
我每一天也都还是死气沉沉的去上班。
这一切根本就是因为我心里燃烧的那一把火已经熄灭了，
我根本失去了满足感。
看来我再找不到应有的出口我就会屈屈而终，
呜呼哀哉！

Count

Counting days...
The next holiday will come 3 months later,
alas,
how am I gonna wait for that?
Continue counting...
1
2
3
4
5
...
tik
tok
tik
tok

时光机

就这样，
年就过完了，
蛋也飞走了，
一切又画下了句点。

地球还在继续转动，
日子还是一样的过。
日复一日，
年复一年，
我们将会在这一种形式下渡过我们的时光。

confirmed

In my curses and complaints,
I'm confirmed,
through my contributions to the job that I hate most.
What a satire isn't it?

Please...

CNY is ending this weekend,
and right after CNY it's March.
What a quick start of 2010,
with just a blink of eyes we are now welcoming the 3rd month of 2010!
I hope everything goes quickly and smoothly like how the time passed,
and I hope nothing will go wrong anymore.
Please...

Gotta be

Don't know how should I begin this post,
it is just about one of those days when I curse the project.
Well,
it's no longer only about the project but how my boss view me,
he started to question me on things that I do, and I think he starts loosing his good impression upon me.
Not good,
not good.
Yes I admit,
to a short extent I may no longer showing strong passion towards my job as when first I join,
but that's all!
I am still working on my job everyday even though I curse,
I am still working on my job everyday although I wake up reluctantly going to work,
I am still working on my job without complaining to him.

I really am sicked with the project,
things just won't get finalise,
and each time when you think this is it,
there will definitely be something popping up and stopping you from going forward.

They like calls (and I don't know why),
and when call is set up,
at least 50% of the times the main person weren't showing up.
What's the meaning of setting up a call and accepting invitation but you aren't showing up during the agreed time?
and what's the meaning of having a call weekly when nothing is concluded nor solved?

I am so sick of it and I really want to work on something else,
I thought I've found my passion in the industry,
but what distinguished my burning fire?

Gotta be positive and maintain right attitude towards my job.

I had a dream

昨晚发了一场梦，
我梦见了自己独自飞到了英国开始了一个人的生活。
感觉上有一点像是自己一个人到外国升学，
租了一个类似榻榻米的房间，
跟几个不认识的“室友”住在一起。
然后自己一个人到完全陌生的市场买菜，
但奇怪的是，
我所碰见的每一个人，
没有一个是鬼佬。
这是不是象征着我对他们的厌恶呢？
就连去到了一个“鬼地方”我也碰不上任何的“鬼”。

Is this the time to move on?
I thought my horoscope says the stars will work things out for me,
and indeed,
I had a few surprises over the night.
I really thought the stars showed its magic,
is the magic just for one day,
or I gonna have the bless from the stars eternally?

Bother?

For days, just about everyone you know and love has been telling you that things will get better if you just hang tough and keep your chin up. Just this once, they are actually right. You can stop worrying now, and forget about the thousand little things that have been keeping you from getting a good night's sleep for far too long. Just relax and the stars will work it out!

This is my horoscope forecast for today,
and I really hope it is real and accurate.
I just need to have good night's sleep,
and have the stars working everything out for me.
Please,
please tell me everything's gonna be alright,
or maybe,
tell me that I am worrying to much.

Perhaps they should worry (I mean care) as much as I do!

Good old days

Met up with some classmates in college,
our last meeting was Raya back in 2008,
can you imagine that?
Anyway,
great afternoon + great people.
They have always been very inspiring to me,
even just a 2-3 hours chat during lunch,
you can't imagine how much I adopted from them.

Hmm...
those good old days.

Bad Day

One of my favourite songs lately,
I will just listen to it whenever things at work went very wrong.
It is not that magical that would completely lighten my day up,
but it helps me feel better.
Just because "I sing a sad song to turn it around"!

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

By the way,
I won't work at a smile but I go for a ride,
a speedy ride!
^.^

ETRS

Quite often,
I am asked about when am I going back to school again,
and I always answer "not so fast, another couple more years, I want to work first".
You know,
it's not the matter of "number of years" I answer,
but the matter of whether I feel like answering you or not.
Most importantly,
I know it clear that whatever numbers I give will just be an "answer" to your questions.
I will just wake up one day thinking about why am I here doing this now,
and that will be the time I make a move in my life.
It can just be any moves,
and from what I can see now,
my next move will be going back to school.
Not sure if I can adapt myself with youngsters in school,
but I am gonna do it.

Estimated time of returning school = (fill in whatever numbers).

春虫虫

为什么这世界上会有酱蠢的人？
真的是蠢到一种境界，
完全搞不清楚状况。
你不是一开始就已经跟这个project了吗？
为什么我知道的比你还多？
就算你知道的不多也就算了，
你可以不要那么蠢吗？
净问些我讲了又讲的问题。
可能性一：你蠢的可以，而且很难被点明。
可能性二：你根本不把这个project放在心上，反正一切有人back up你。

反正，
就是一些令我摸不着头脑和蠢的无可救药的人！

黑夜

小时候，
我喜欢在夜深人静的时候把自己关在不开灯的房间里，
然后躲进被里用手电筒照明看书。
渐渐长大了（时代也不同了），
我也还是喜欢在夜深人静的时候把自己关在不开灯的房间里，
然后躲进被里玩手机里的游戏。

自己的房间+上锁的房门=很有安全感！
因为我是活在我自己世界里的人。
可是为什么我现在的房间总是不能给我我以前旧家的房间所给我的安全感？

February

Had a long weekend and tomorrow is another working day again,
didn't really rest well at home but went out whole day for many different events.
Gonna deal with some issues with my project tomorrow,
but there's nothing more than that.
So,
what's so sad about having to work again tomorrow?
Hmm...
nothing,
really.
Get a good night sleep and shall start again tomorrow!

PNG

The MR industry is really small that researchers usually work within a few names.
I have quite a number of ex-colleagues came for interviews with my current employer,
and most of them were interviewed by my current boss.
Guess what's next?
I am asked by boss/HR for reference.
None of my ex-colleagues got compliment nor recommendation from my side,
well really,
there's nothing in them that I could really recommend.
Somehow I feel so bad that I didn't speak well of them,
but come on,
I was telling the truth,
and I don't want to work with them anymore.

Please hear me carefully,
I don't hold the final decision,
I don't want to say anything bad about anyone,
and I told the truth.
There's nothing to do with me,
nothing.

You drive me crazy

This is the greatest job on earth that can easily drives me crazy!
Oh no,
please allowed me to correct myself,
it should be:
this is a job with the greatest people on earth that can easily drive me crazy!
Bitch is for woman,
what's for man then?
I need the word to shout at the greates people on earth!

Great and Excellent

西方文化和东方文化的不同之处有时候真的很奇妙，
就好比“称赞”，
从来就很少在我们的社会里出现。
你做得对做得好是应该的，
不要奢望从长辈嘴里听到任何称赞的话语。
而在西方文化里，
“称赞”就好像家常便饭一样，
常常出现在大家的话题里头，
鼓励大家。

以前的我还不太了解，
以为听到别人说：“you have done a great job!”就是真的在称赞你表现良好，
每当听到后便会暗自窃喜，
以为自己真的做对了，做得好。
后来慢慢发现，
其实“you have done a great job!”的意义就好像我们平常跟别人打招呼问说：“吃饱没？”。
我们并没有很想知道你到底有没有吃饱，
“吃饱没？”只是一般的开场白。
而“you have done a great job!”也只是一般的对白，
就算你听到这句所谓称赞的话语也不必太高兴，
因为它并没有真正衷心地认为“你真的做得太好了！”。
也并不是说你做得不好，
只是你没有做错，
也没有做得很对，
这句话有“还有进步的空间”的意思。
所以当别人（鬼佬）对你说：“you have done a great job!” 的时候，
并不需要太高兴，
因为往往接着而来的便是“你可以怎样进步”的话语。

是因为我们的社会里缺少了这一类称赞和鼓励的话语，
而造成了今天我们每当听到称赞或鼓励的话语的时候都份外珍惜和高兴的心情？
还是我们本来就依靠着称赞来不停往前行？

我开始害怕听到这一句所谓称赞的话语。

字母游戏

大家都曾经玩过传话游戏，
每次一定会从A传到最后变成C，
而且屡试不爽。
就因为大家对同一件事物的理解和诠释都不同，
纵使大家用同一种语言沟通，
往往到了最后A变成了C。
又或者，
虽然大家口操一样的语言，
但毕竟大家的母语不同，
对于同一件事物的理解和诠释就更加不一样了，
自然而然的到最后A变成了Z。

这一次只是一通电话，
而且并没有要求任何人传任何的话，
就只是纯粹的汇报，
已经可以把A，
经过大概两三个人的嘴里，
最后以电邮的方式传到我老板的眼里，
变成了Z。
老板说他为我说了好话，
而且认为这其中必定有些什么误会，
也希望从我这里听听解释，
以免错怪任何人。

说真的，
我真的不知道我老板到底是人还是鬼，
虽然这次他站在我这边，
但是我总感觉不到他是一个会力挺下属的老板。
换着是我之前的老板，
他什么也不必说我已经知道他一定是相信我的。
或许是我想太多，
但在我正式插一手在这个project里的那一天开始，
我不曾喜欢过这一份工作。
就因为不得不向现实低头，
我不能潇洒的拍拍屁股走人。

怪只怪自己的英文不够好，
有时候不能正确的表达自己，
造成了令自己泄气的小误会。

被压力压得喘不过气来又怎样？
每天晚上辗转难眠又怎样？
周末记挂着工作又怎样？
皇帝不急的时候太监急，
到皇帝急的时候，
一切都是太监的错，
因为太监没有在皇帝应该急的时候提醒他十万火急！

2010

The first working day of 2010,
I spent my day doing nothing in the office.
Yes,
nothing!

I hope tomorrow won't be a busy day.

65

手机又再一次的不能用了，
唯有又去了一趟坐落在金字塔里的customer care centre。
工作人员说：“要等2-3个小时。”
那我在这段时间里要做些什么？
去看电影？
电影院大排长龙，
而Sherlock Holmes的戏票也sold out了。
酱要做什么呢？
啊！
去做pedicure！
就这样我就去做了pedicure，
看了两集“老友狗狗”，
喝了一杯咖啡，
给了65元，
换来一双滑嫩嫩的脚板还有粉红色的指甲。

就为了等我的那架不中用的手机！