Insultation

It's like a couple years ago when I was still studying in college,
I question myself almost everyday,
"did I make the wrong decision?"
"should I quit?"
"what if I am studying accounting?"
etc...
I wasn't confident with myself in studying psychology,
and yet,
everyone around me encouraged me,
"don't hesitate, psychology is just so you!"
"you can do it, don't quit!"
etc...
But still,
I wasn't sure whether I should stay,
and yet,
I stayed.

It's such a shame that when people assure you how great you are,
but still you are not convinced.
Not that people are lying,
but you are just not confident enough with yourself.
This is not only a shame,
but also an insultation to those who have faith in you.

Then I encourage myself every single day by telling myself "don't be beaten by small little things in life, you should have faith in yourself! Moreover, you are not facing big problems in your life with psychology, just so you need some time to adapt."
With reason like "be responsible to your own decision and don't quit half way",
I stayed.
Although I doubted and questioned myself all the time,
I eventually found myself in psychology and I graduated!

This time,
it's a little different.
No one is telling me whether I am on the right way,
but I still encourage myself each day.
Just that I am still doubting myself,
I ain't sure how persistent I can be,
I ain't sure if this is the right path,
but I find no reason to quit.
Yes I am stress,
yes I hate this so much,
yes I am barely holding on,
but still I can't pursuade myself to quit.
It's all about the reality,
how sure am I that I won't feel this stress if I quit?
how sure am I that the next job is not going to be the same?
how sure am I that the next job can't be any worse?
I can't tell,
that's why I stayed.
And the consequence is,
I am bored by my job that it accelerated my hatefulness to the job by 1000 times faster!

Don't tell me to hang on,
I just don't even believe that I can make it to the end.
How many of you are insulted?