Insultation

It's like a couple years ago when I was still studying in college,
I question myself almost everyday,
"did I make the wrong decision?"
"should I quit?"
"what if I am studying accounting?"
etc...
I wasn't confident with myself in studying psychology,
and yet,
everyone around me encouraged me,
"don't hesitate, psychology is just so you!"
"you can do it, don't quit!"
etc...
But still,
I wasn't sure whether I should stay,
and yet,
I stayed.

It's such a shame that when people assure you how great you are,
but still you are not convinced.
Not that people are lying,
but you are just not confident enough with yourself.
This is not only a shame,
but also an insultation to those who have faith in you.

Then I encourage myself every single day by telling myself "don't be beaten by small little things in life, you should have faith in yourself! Moreover, you are not facing big problems in your life with psychology, just so you need some time to adapt."
With reason like "be responsible to your own decision and don't quit half way",
I stayed.
Although I doubted and questioned myself all the time,
I eventually found myself in psychology and I graduated!

This time,
it's a little different.
No one is telling me whether I am on the right way,
but I still encourage myself each day.
Just that I am still doubting myself,
I ain't sure how persistent I can be,
I ain't sure if this is the right path,
but I find no reason to quit.
Yes I am stress,
yes I hate this so much,
yes I am barely holding on,
but still I can't pursuade myself to quit.
It's all about the reality,
how sure am I that I won't feel this stress if I quit?
how sure am I that the next job is not going to be the same?
how sure am I that the next job can't be any worse?
I can't tell,
that's why I stayed.
And the consequence is,
I am bored by my job that it accelerated my hatefulness to the job by 1000 times faster!

Don't tell me to hang on,
I just don't even believe that I can make it to the end.
How many of you are insulted?

老虎老鼠傻傻分不清楚！

All of a sudden I remember reading an email saying something about my project,
then I check my mailbox,
nothing in there.
Then I start thinking,
when, where, what, who, why and how.
Ahh...
It was in my dream!
Was that a dream or was it real?
Gosh,
I can't even identify whether it is a dream or reality!

I am thinking about my job when I am resting!

Happy Birthday Ba

It's dad's birthday and we went out for movie + a nice dinner,
great food,
great people,
great ambience,
and of course,
"great" price.
Each time when we are out for great meal,
we will certainly think about our stay in Adelaide last year,
the places we have been,
the food we have eaten,
etc...
Everything was just perfect and fantastic.

What more can I ask for when we are all together?

因为你值得！

累死我了！
希望一切都是值得的！
纵使成果不会那么早出现，
但请不要让我后悔，
请让成果告诉我，
我做的一切都是值得的！

I am right!

之前找到这份工作的时候还想说我不怕从头做起，
也不管待遇是多是少，
只要肯学就好。
后来HR跟我谈薪水的时候我也没有讨价还价就爽快的答应了，
毕竟我自己经验不足，
而且对我而言够用就好，
不要狮子开大口吓坏了人家。
本来还以为工作还满轻松的，
不就只是把project管好，
有事有老板撑住。
结果，
我真的认为我under paid！
Project里有太多需要我管的事情都必须是职位较高的同事才有权利完成的，
我本来不知道的，
上星期每一天与老板谈论着project，
说着说着说出了许多重点与方便,
然后老板开始替我弄这个弄那个来方便我管理project，
才发现原来有太多东西是我这个小小职员没有机会用得到的（因为是这个project的份上他们才“格外开恩”让我有些许的权利）。
老板说他只是负责监督我，
这个project与他无关，
所以有没有他也不会有什么影响，
更何况这个project现在我知道的可能还比他多。
然后我又发现这个project的漏洞太多了，
而且他们都认为把所有东西丢给我就好了，
我拾得什么就什么。
然后我最不喜欢的事情全都接踵出现了，
长时间工作不在话下，
还要把工作带回家，
而且还要应付外国人。
然后我开始怀疑，
我到底选错了吗？
但我心里的小天使不断的告诉我，
“你可以学到很多东西啊。”
“只要你做的好你老板一定会对你刮目相看。”
“这个project不只有你的老板evaluate你，还有你的外国的同事，最重要的还有客户，你做得好，赞赏一定不少。”
太多太多鼓励自己的话，
但是我还是质疑自己。
这种情况不是通常只在我厌倦了某种事情才会发生的吗？
现在怎么一开始就这样了？
我知道我应该相信自己的直觉，
可是种种迹象显示这份工作并不差，
到底那里错了？
还是只是我想太多？
很乱，
但我还是得继续，
我希望自己不是错的，
我更希望几年之后当我回望今天我依然会为自己现在所做的一切感到骄傲而不是后悔。

请告诉我我是对的！

呼。吸

呼
.
吸
.
呼
.
吸

放松。。。

Relax

It's just too much!
I thought the brand new start will allow me to walk the path I like,
but I am just walking on the same old path,
heading towards an unlikable destination with greater number of steps!
Is it because of my personality?
I just can't let it get out of my head.
Although I tried not to let it bother me too much,
the pressure is there,
squeezing me tightly.
Look at it the other way round,
it looks like something good,
responsible, perfectionist, hardworking etc...
All kind of positive energy are being shown here,
but these are not what I wanted,
and I am still walking towards it,
I don't know why.
I need food,
I need shopping,
I need movies,
I need anything that could pamper myself.
I spent this weekend by staying at home resting myself,
and I shall return to work tomorrow with fully re-charged body and soul.
Then I work hard again,
and on the next weekend,
I will be executing my pampering plans.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best!
Everything's gonna be alright!

不是噩梦！

我真的很佩服我的老板，
他真的敢敢死把一整个那么大的project丢给我一个人管，
而且还表明一副“不关我的事”的态度，
然后轻轻松松的下个星期放假去！
老板还说他也没想到project会落到如斯田地，
他原本还以为一切都会进展的很顺利的。
那我岂不是上了贼船？！
但如果我不上贼船我现在还在家里量地咧。
不是后悔了，
而是我真的没想到I will be all on my own！

之前还以为新工作可以给我有更多的私人和休息空间，
一来电脑不会跟我回家，
二来没有想到新工作和旧的一样常有晚间conference call，而且次数还比之前频繁！
你知道就是因为之前的工作性质，
我是多么的讨厌老外！
现在好像也没差。。。

换个角度想，
这是一个大project，
如果我做的“好好睇睇”，
前途可说是无可限量，平步青云。
这也要称赞我的老板，
那么大胆的请用新人来管理这个project。
我真的不敢再想下去了！




最近把手机的wallpaper换成了这张图片，
我知道，
你们一直与我同在！

why why tell me why

Have been very busy with my one and only project for a few days already,
I don't know,
but it has used up most of my energy!
Checking, conference call, discussing,
all these should be peanuts,
but the infomation is all incomplete,
and that's why it spent so much of my energy.

I have been asking why,
why me?
why Malaysia?
why the original project owner is going on leave?
why my boss is going on holiday and leaving me here alone with a mess?
Many many whys,
and my boss answered them all today.
No surprises from his answers,
but the most important thing is,
I won't be working now without him answering my whys.

Just bear with it...

英国人

我在想，
我究竟是上一世欠了英国人吗？
为何有此一说？
1）小时候我就疯狂的迷恋上了一个英国男人。
2）然后我找到了第一份工作，公司在英国伦敦上市，CEO是半个英国人，而我的顶头上司也是英国人。
3）第二份工作，公司也是一个在英国伦敦上市的media agency的其中一个子公司，而我的老板（正确的说我公司里大部份的主管阶级）也是英国人。

究竟哪里来了这么多英国人啊？！
而且还要是和我息息相关的，
我只要小贝一个就够了，
其他人可以不用出现在我眼前哦！